December 1998
by Quintessence88
Summary: What if something that happened almost twenty years before, a secret, turn Jessica and Harvey's lives upside down and broke their relationship? Set around season 4. One-shot


**It is set around season 4 and the flashback is set during Harvey's third year at Harvard Law University, when Jessica was still married to Quentin but the dates are fictional like all the rest, because I didn't know exactly when it was so they may be wrong. It's a different story but I had this idea in mind and it just came out freely. I hope you enjoy and review! **

Harvey entered Jessica's office finding it empty, he urgently needed to talk to her and he was about to ask her assistant when he remembered she was in a deposition in the conference room with an important client and asked not to be bothered. Harvey looked at his watch, a vintage Philippe Patek, the deposition should have been almost over so he decided to wait there wandering around.

Jessica's office was always incredibly tidy, nothing was out of place, he envied her for being so organized: her Birkin bag was placed on one of the chair with her briefcase, her fur was on the couch, her desk was immaculate, papers were perfectly stacked in order when he found something unusual, Jessica's medical record was placed on top of them all. Why did she leave it there? Was she sick? Was something wrong with her? He looked behind his back worried that someone could come that way, he knew it wasn't the smartest move, he could simply ask her but Jessica was Jessica, she was cryptic and never wanted interferences in her private life so against a better judgment he opened the file. There were personal information, visit reports, blood tests, x-rays and her medical history, something caught his attention: _pregnancy termination, December 1998_. Blood froze in his veins, he closed the file as if he was burned by it, everything came back to him like a powerful boomerang knocking him down. Harvey placed the file exactly where he found it staring at it as if it was a bomb ready to detonate and it was, it definitely was.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Jessica asked smiling "Do you need something?"

Harvey looked at her as if he had never known her, as if she was a stranger, how could she…? Why?

"Harvey, are you okay?" she asked concerned

"Do you have something to tell me about _December 1998_?"

"December 1998?"she frowned "It's a long time ago, why?"

"Don't make me ask again, Jessica" his voice was cold as his demeanor but his eyes betrayed him glancing at the file and she finally understood

"Did you read my medical record?" she asked fuming, it was more a rhetorical question because she knew she was right "You had no right to do that! It's private! And if it was on my desk it didn't give you…"

"You were pregnant December 1998!" he exploded

"And so what?" she yelled "What do you care?"

"You know why I care…"

_It was a cold November, it had already starting to snow at Harvard and the idea of waking up early every morning to go to lesson wasn't ideal for Harvey, especially after a night of parties and fun, he was still hangover. Fuck, he had the exam today!_

_He scrambled out of bed and into the shower, he was hastily drying his hair when there was a sudden knock at the door._

"_Who's there?" he yelled "I'm coming, I'm coming"_

_When he opened the door he expected everyone but her, Jessica Pearson in all her glorious beauty was there in front of him and looked definitely annoyed._

"_Jessica? What are you doing here?"_

_She pushed him out of the way and entered the room_

"_Hello to you to Harvey!" _

"_Hi…"_

"_I'm here to check you stopped jerking off and started going to lesson" she faked a smile_

"_I… I was about to go"_

"_You're drunk and you still smell. Did you party all night?" she asked sweetly_

"_Uhhm,.. yes"_

"_And did you not think that you had an important exam today?"_

"_Oh yeah, the exam!" he put on a shirt and a sweater grabbing his coat "I gotta go! "I've a meeting here today but I'll definitely see you later!" she asserted _

"_Later" he yelled from the hallway_

_Jessica sighed resigned. How could someone with that much potential being such an ass? She could only hope he had at least the decency to study for the exam. _

_Jessica was in town for business - not only to check on Harvey - she had a potential client she was hoping to close that day then she'd have been back in New York the day after. It was a touch and go visit and she had always liked Harvard, it reminded her when she was just a student and the only problem was getting good grades, life was more complicated now. She also had her share of fun during her days, it wasn't all about the law but she never lost her focus on what was important and it was what worried her about Harvey: she was born to be a lawyer, it was what she had always wanted since she could remember but it was different for him, he just found himself at the right time and the right place. _

_Hours later they met again, Harvey had a huge cocky smile on his face "Guess, who's the best?"_

_Jessica smiled patiently "Your grade?"_

"_H!" (honors)_

"_Good boy!" _

"_Just that?" he faked surprise _

"_Don't need to boost your already very big ego"_

_He laughed "How was your meeting?"_

"_Good, thanks. I closed the client" she answered satisfied_

"_I knew it! Best closer of New York!"_

"_Flattery will bring you nowhere"_

"_Loosen up a little, Jessica! We need to celebrate!" _

"_As if you needed more alcohol into your system…" she sneered _

"_Come on!"_

"_Fine but just because it was a very important exam"_

"_Yeah yeah"_

_They ended up at her hotel's lounge bar drinking Champagne in a secluded corner, joking and laughing about everything. Jessica was a different person after two or three drinks and he liked that, the super powerful, always strict, dangerously gorgeous woman who happened to be his mentor could be also funny and spontaneous. He stared at her bewitched while she talked about what was happening at the firm, God she was beautiful, he had never met someone like her before, there was so much beauty outside and inside her…_

_The Champagne bottles became two, then three and everything happened in a blur: a minute he was gently caressing her face and the next they were kissing like there was no tomorrow, grabbing at each other's clothes. He could taste Champagne and the unique taste that was all Jessica in her mouth, their tongues battling against one another wanting to feel more, to taste more. Harvey couldn't believe it was really happening, it was too good to be true and when she took his hand leading him to the elevator and to her room he could only follow._

_Clothes were shed hastily while he tried to touch and caress as much as naked skin he could, trying to remember each moan, each hiss of pleasure he was giving her: his hand was between her legs eliciting more wetness, her fingers were wrapped around his hard steel cock… fuck, he wanted her! He wanted her so badly he was scared he'd have embarrassed himself if she didn't stop. As if she could read his thoughts she moved his hand from inside her and pushed him on the bed straddling his waist before lowering herself on him. Harvey Specter would have never forgotten that moment, even if he tried for almost twenty years, the rapture's expression of her face when she closed her eyes and threw her head back moaning, her long hair skimming his thighs, it was heaven! He could feel every inch of her, how glorious tight, hot and wet she was for him while she rode him into the oblivion, a sex goddess who was making all his fantasies come true in a single heartbeat. Harvey's hands were on her waist and he was pushing up in time with her, making that crazy rhythm she created the only thing that kept him anchored to earth, there was so many feelings and emotions bubbling inside him, yes he was drunk but he did want to remember everything because it wasn't a random fuck, she was Jessica and that was going to be memorable!_

_He could sense she was close now so he grabbed her neck claiming her mouth again and again, his free hand was insistent on her clit making her orgasm explode in their sinful kiss…_

"Was it _mine_?" he asked coldly

"It doesn't matter" she dismissed the question

"It does matter for God's sake, Jessica!"

"It happened almost twenty years ago, it's in the past"

"No, it's right here and I just found out! Answer the damn question!"

"Yes, it was _yours_" she barely whispered

She needed to put some distance between them, suddenly the room felt claustrophobic, it was a nightmare… she had never thought to have that kind of conversation with him, not about _that_, the thing who kept her awake at night, keeping the secret from him had eaten her alive for years and everything was out in the open now. How could they go back from that? How could he look at her again without hating her?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What should I have told you, huh?"

"The fucking truth!"

"You were a clueless ass too young to become a father, I'd have ruined your life"

"You should have let me decide!"

"You were at Harvard building your future Harvey and I was still married to Quentin even if we lived separate lives"

"We could have had a kid together now…" he looked disgusted

"I didn't want a baby!" she yelled "It's my body, my choice!"

"I was the father, I had the right to know!"

"What would you have done? Trying to make me change my mind?" she pushed

"I'd have tried to make you reason, I'd have showed you that I was there for you, every step of the way like I've done for all these years"

"This is work, it's different! A child is forever"

"Don't you get it?" he asked hopeless "I've always wanted you forever! I've always loved you! Even before that night, I've been head over the heels in love with you from day one! But you were too self-centered to notice, too absorbed in yourself, your career, I was just a good investment for you, I wasn't worthy of your real attention"

"It's not like that, Harvey" she cut him off

"Yes, it is and if you could be honest for once you'd admit it!" he looked deeply sad "It's not that you didn't want a child, you didn't want it with me…"

That was low blow who hit her directly in the heart. His eyes were full of tears and she felt she was suffocating, the room was spinning and she didn't know what to do.

"No Harvey, it's not true" her voice cracked "You've to believe me!"

"I don't believe you and I don't trust you, not anymore"

"Please… I made a judgment call, I was trying to protect you and your future!"

"No, you were trying to protect yourself and your future! All you had ever wanted was to be at the top of your game and there you are, the undisputed Queen, the powerful, high profile woman who could put the fear of God in everybody with just a stare and bring men to their knees with a smile. Are you happy now? Are you satisfied?"

"I won't apologize for everything I've worked my ass off to have, with blood, tears and sweat. If I were a man, you wouldn't talked to me like that!"

"This is not about gender, Jessica! This is about you and I and the life we could have had, you could have still accomplished everything you did even with a child!"

"And that's where you're wrong! God, you're so naive, didn't I teach you anything? I am woman Harvey, a black woman who had to work thrice more than others to get what she has. Do you think that Hardman would have been pleased to know I was pregnant, especially with your child? I was paying for your studies with my own money and promised you a job at the firm, don't you see there was a huge conflict of interest?"

"I don't care! Screw Hardman, that was my baby!"

"Well I do care and that was why you've been kept out of the loop, because you are totally irrational when it's about private matters, you can't be objective and think of the greater good"

"And you did? I don't think so"

"I wouldn't have had time for a child, we worked 14 hours per day, we're always here at firm, no free time, no vacations. I'd have had to give up something, probably this job and I didn't want that, you can call me selfish but I put myself first, yes!"

"You'd do it again…" he asserted

"I don't regret my choice, I regret not telling you. You're right about one thing, you should have known"

"At the end of the day I'd have accepted your choice, if you had told me and I wouldn't have let you go through that alone, I'd have been there for you"

"I know and I appreciate that"

Harvey passed a hand through his hair exasperated "I need some time off Jessica"

"Harvey, please. Don't ruin everything we've built together for something that happened so many years ago, please"

"Don't you see? I'm still in love with you…"

Her heart skipped a beat

"But you don't want me, it's pretty clear"

"Harvey…"

"Don't say anything, I don't want to be in pain more than I already am"

He stormed out of her office and she let out a bitter sob. She lost his baby and she was losing him now, all because she couldn't speak up, she couldn't tell him she had always loved him too but they weren't ready at that time, it wouldn't have worked and now that it might, it was probably too late.

Sometimes things are just not meant to be…

**The end**


End file.
